The Unfundamental Conversion

Merry Christmas Because: Crazy

December 26th, 2013 | Posted by Lana Hope in Uncategorized

A Merry Coffee Christmas my friends. (Front Page)  9,000 visits to this image.  Thank you.I’m not doing Christmas again with the family: because CRAZY.

I did Christmas with the family this year mostly for one reason. (1) The last three I was overseas. (2) My grandmother  is getting older and older, almost deathly old. (3) Also, had some sky miles to use.

(4) Also, the year before the three years overseas, I bailed on Christmas because then I knew better.

(5) After I get back overseas, I will not be coming back for Christmas. If one is going to visit the US, winter is SO NOT the time.

This year my mercy kicked in.

The first part of the week was just general millennial bashing. I said pee, got lectures coming from all sides of the table, and left the table in tears. It’s a general trigger because my grandmother never just accepts us, and Mom always takes her side.

We spent two and a half days cleaning my grandmother’s house because she is moving to my parents town. My grandparents were complete pack racks, and never threw a piece of paper away in 60 years. 50 bags of paper went in the trash. No recycle service in their town. Just don’t think about it.

On Christmas Eve morning, my grandmother had me take out the clothes in one of the many closets, and lay out the clothes that has not been worn in 30 years.

I had a BAD reaction to the dust almost immediately. My eyes started swelling, and I started sneezing right away.

Mom’s solution, as always, was just to give me essential oils in a capsule. Get this. She muscle tests me to see how much I need to take (Chinese style). The problem was, I was having an allergic reaction. We aren’t talking about the sniffles here. Essential oils are used all over the world, and I’m not against them just in general terms (for example, lavendar does heal my sunburns, and there’s 100 different ils I generally love to sniff for oil pleasure). But this was not working for a bad reaction. Probably does not take a rocket scientist to know why.


Additionally, one’s stomach can only handle so much oils, then the stomach burns, and yea, I could not keep taking them.

I asked for Benadryl, but NOBODY HAD ANY. And Mom just said I was not taking the oils frequent enough. Just total craziness.

So I sat on the couch, and my grandmother said I was an insensitive daughter who was not helping clean. MY EYES WERE SWOLLEN.

Mom, equally, could not stand that I was not working. She did not make me go through the boxes like the others. Instead, she decided that it was my job to stand on the ladder for three hours and put the boxes back up while people handed them to me.

Every time I walked in the closet, I felt a set back. SNEEZE SNEEZE CRAP.

Mom did not stop until 11. p.m., and she would have kept going had people not wanted to well, you know, go to sleep.

At 11 p.m. or so I got on twitter, then started reading a long article on phenomenology for my grad seminar this coming semester. But the eyes swelled so bad I could barely see.

I realized the bed was contaminated with dust, and I was reacting again fast.

So I went in the kitchen (alone) franically searching the cabnets, coming up short handed. Of course, there are no stores open at midnight on Christmas Eve, not even the Evil Walmart.

So I sniffed enough oils to clear my nose (I’m not claiming cures here), put on my winter clothes since I could trust any blankets, and went to sleep on the couch, or tried to anyway.

The next morning Mom freaked when she saw my eyes. Almost screamed. Then she told Dad GO TO WALGREENS.

Um, Mom. So you want me to sleep through Christmas, but you wouldn’t get the dang medicine on Christmas Eve?

I refused the Benadryl so early in the morning and took something less ugly. It took till 4 in the afternoon to get where my head did not want to burst its brains open, and my eyes to feel normal again.

I ate Christmas dinner not because I felt good but because I needed to stuff my belly to handle the oils.

Lesson: My childhood was this way. Not just the anti-medicine part, but the work, work, work part. Sometimes folks tell me about how their lives were crazy because they had 10 brothers and sisters, and I didn’t, so I must have had free time. BALONY.

My mom is all about the chores, no matter what, dust allergic reactions and all.

Merry Christmas, Folks. Plane is headed out of this entire state soon. Because: crazy.

P.S. I know, most oils cannot be taken internally. These definitely could if on a full stomach, and not as a cure or anything like this.

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  • Hilary

    Oh my god, I can’t believe your mom. I know you are not making this up, but no wonder you can’t get along with her. For crying out loud, the right to breathe trumps just about everything. I have chronic sinus issues, to the point of needing surgury for them at one point. What part of BREATHING IS NOT NEGOTIABLE do those people not get? Does ‘dying to the self’ include mitochondia? It shouldn’t.

    Arg. Sorry for the rant, I totally support you in getting out of that state and someplace where you can breathe, literally and every other way possible.

    Anyway, have a good New Year.

    • Lana Hope

      Well I could breathe, but my head was about to explode and eyes hurt so bad I could see poorly. Sheesh, so I got the stomach bug and slept all day yesterday. I knew if I got up I’d have to do chores. But I go back home with weekend. yay

  • I’m sorry; that must have been awful. I’m a fellow allergy sufferer, and there are a few things you can do to help in such situations. If you ever DO go back home, stop at the Home Depot (or some other hardware store) and pick up a pair of safety goggles (the kind that sort of look like swim goggles) and a package of dust masks. They’re hot, but they’re a very good barrier against dust.

    Bring (in a gallon ziploc bag) a clean pillow case. At bedtime you can take it out, remove the pillow case from whereever you’re sleeping and put this one on. it will be dust free and removing the old case will take the bulk of the dust with it.

    Also bring a bottle of contact lens saline solution. When you feel your eyes beginning to react, rinse them in cold water–either directly, or with paper towels soaked in cold water and allowed to essentially rinse your eyes. when you’re done, give your eyes a final rinse with the saline solution. They will feel SO much better.

    and never travel anywhere without some Claritin–WalMart and Target both sell generic forms of it, so it’s really cheap. Start taking it (once a day) about a week before you go home.

    • Lana Hope

      Great ideas. I’ll remember that.

  • Good God, what a fiasco. I’m so sorry.


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